MEET ME IN THE PENALTY BOX by Cali Melle (2023)
★ ★ - we're giving two instead of one star for the disabled, deaf/nonverbal character rep & the use of ASL in the book but otherwise this book was a big miss for me.
“I can’t promise you all of my firsts, but I can promise you every single one of my lasts.”
title: Meet Me in the Penalty Box
series: Orchid City (book one)
author: Cali Melle
published: 2023
publisher: independently published
genre/subgenre: cishetero hockey romance
setting: “Orchid City”, a fictional city near maybe Palm Springs? Or Florida somewhere? idk…
main themes/subjects: hockey, teammates dynamic, new job/new city/new life, abusive ex, photographer FMC, professional hockey player MMC
representation: disabled, nonverbal character who signed with her brother (the MMC), cishetero m/f romance which… is probably just not for me? but idk… I think this may have just been a subpar book & I need to get a good rec & try one more time…
tropes: workplace romance, FMC with a recently broken heart
CW // domestic abuse, car accident
spice level: 🌶️🌶️.5 v vanilla tbh
my thoughts:
First of all, Imma just pat myself on the back for reading out of my comfort zone with a m/f romance where neither of the MCs are queer or BIPOC.
& it went about as well as I expected it to go. 😅
Second of all, the writing was kind of appalling? but to the point of it being so distracting & about 20% in I found myself highlighting examples of words & phrases that were like straight up the purplest of prose I mean like the definition of what not to do (as opposed to quotes I actually liked or found moving like I usually highlight…) before straight up skimming the last ~40% of the book. Clearly an excessive & yet somehow also not enough use of a thesaurus was made? Incessantly repeated words & phrases (all purple), cringe similes, & a complete lack of original or intentional use of language… Big big woof.
Thirdly…
…and I ask this with genuine love & concern: are the cisheteros okay? Because oh. my. god. The “spicy” scenes in this book were some of the worst most cringiest sex I’ve ever had the embarrassing misfortune of reading. I don’t want to go into it but if this is how the cishetero men are doing y’all in the bedroom… I just want y’all to know that there’s another way.
Tbf, Harper (god that name) did just come off a long-term relationship with a guy who was basically the exact same person as Nico so… we could probably have talked about that a bit more than I feel like we did…
premise: 👍🏻
execution: 👎🏻
writing style: poor.
characters: flat.
story/plot: weak.
worldbuilding: some weird parts that felt a bit inconsistent with the reality of the pro hockey world like the names of the teams & you can’t sneak into an NHL rinks to skate at night these days—you just can’t…?
philosophy: just, no. the fetishization of possessive men is always going to be a big no for me tbh. protective is ok but possessive is big big red flag territory, you can’t convince me otherwise. That’s some toxic patriarchy bullshit through and through.
notable elements: so, the MMC’s name: Nicolai “Nico” Cirone… I think he was supposed to be ethnically Italian, which, full marks, but the name Nicolai… is Greek? Cirone is southern Italian so the Italian for Nicolai should have been Nicola… & I can’t help but wonder if that name felt too feminine for Melle & their american readers & if so… this is just one more thing that I side-eyed in this book.
And again, with the security around NHL rinks these days (passcodes, alarms, cameras, more than one security guard…) you’re not sneaking in for a midnight skate I’m sorry. & NO NHL team would be called the “Bruisers” lmao.
i would not recommend this book.
final note: I may give cishetero m/f romance ONE more try but I need an A+ rec from someone I can trust.
further reading:
read this instead: HEATED RIVALRY by Rachel Reid (2019) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ a queer classic (& there are plenty more recs on the further reading for that review too 😘) & then read ROLE MODEL (book five in that series) because a) it’s the best one & b) it is also a workplace romance bw a hockey player & the social media manager for the team.
a hockey m/f romance that was actually good (probably bc the FMC was bi though): TEAM PLAYERS by Deanna Gray (2022) ★ ★ ★ ★ .5 —an example of a very hot m/f romance, even if they were college students which was weird? but… 😅
ALONE WITH YOU IN THE ETHER by Olivie Blake (2020) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ —this was a literary m/f romance that was SUPER good & the (autistic-coded) MMC was also Italian, & I’m pretty sure if I remember correctly that the Asian-American FMC was bi (& disabled) in this one…
my favorite Indigenous m/f romance novel is: LIZARDS HOLD THE SUN by Dani Trujillo (2023) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ which was soooo so good… I’ve got the sequel, WHEN STARS HAVE TEETH (2024), on tap for this summer.
A couple YA m/f romance novels I’ve liked are PRIDE by Ibi Zoboi (2018) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ —a Pride & Prejudice retelling set in Bushwick— & HIGHLY SUSPCIIOUS AND UNFAIRLY CUTE by Talia Hibbert (2023) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
I’ve also read & enjoyed book one of Talia Hibbert’s the Brown Sisters trilogy: GET A LIFE, CHLOE BROWN (2019) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
& then I do have a few more m/f romances on my shelves:
DO YOUR WORST by Rosie Danan (2023)
UNDER LOCH AND KEY by Lana Ferguson (2024)
THE SPELLSHOP by Sarah Beth Durst (2024)
Idk rec me your favorite m/f romance books in the comments!
Click on the star ratings beside the titles I’ve read to read my reviews/thoughts about the book.
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